at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
