So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
