Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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