now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
