Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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