Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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