Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
