Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
