apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
