Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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