Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
