your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize