this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
