There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
