hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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