My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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