Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
