If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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