She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
