you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
