You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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