how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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