Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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