i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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