We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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