Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
