I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
