highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
