i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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