I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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