Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
