We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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