Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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