Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
