So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Green mimosas i think yes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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