fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
