you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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