Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
