I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
