The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize