Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
