I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
