He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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