I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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