I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
