guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
