ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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