I need to stop coming to work sober
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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