I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
