yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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