so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i think my cat just said my name.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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