After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
