i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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