I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
