That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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