you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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