I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
