no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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