"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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