Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
