I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
