just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
