ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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